As you all know, I went to Indy last weekend to go to a GA function, hang out with Miss Monique and to see CBFI.
It turned out that CBFI is now CBFI1 and there’s a CBFI2 up there. CBFI2 is just dangerous and that total bad boy image. My sponsor here called him “the hook up guy.” I told him that’s exactly what CBFI2 is! The totally unapproachable, bad boy, hot man who is a player and is good for just one thing. hehe
CBFI1 confused the shit outta me, which if you read The Soda Stand, you already know this. Here’s some more confusion for you.
When I got back Sunday, I emailed CBFI1 with a flier for the bowling day we are doing down here in the Ville tomorrow. I asked him to print it or announce it at their meetings up there. I just now got a response from him last night after I went to sleep (so I read it this morning.) Said he needs to check his email more often, said he had a lot of fun and then said he would see if he could get some people together for coming down here for the bowling thing. Pfft. We’ll see.
I’m actually curious to see if he brings his friend M, who is NOT in GA, and who is obviously gay. I’ll let ya’ll know if they show up to bowling. Miss Laci is going with me to the bowling thing.
I talked to my BFF in Vegas last night and was telling her about everything going on. She asked me if my gaydar went off around CBFI1 and I said no, it really didn’t go off. I told her I was confused and it even confused Miss Monique. Miss Monique and I are both very gay friendly and we have excellent gaydars. Neither of us were really alerted to a gayness about him. Just something nagging at me.
Now that I’ve rambled on three of the four blogs I write on, I’m going to go get ready for work. Can you say procrastination my friends? LOL
Until next time…
I started banging the Boytoy in January 2005. I wasn’t quite yet divorced, he was five years younger and it seemed like a good idea when I was drunk. Well, the one-night stand lasted on and off for two years. We fought, we broke up, he’d worm his way back into my life. Repeat ad nauseum.
Finally, enough was enough, and I realized that I was always going to be good enough to fuck but not good enough to love. I broke things off with him, cold turkey. It fucking sucked but I made it.
I hadn’t seen him for more than a year.
Until tonight.
He was at the same bar as my date and I; from Boytoy’s seat he had a perfect view of me laughing, talking and flirting.
Maybe it was just me, but Boytoy didn’t look too happy.
I never thought he was malicious, just clueless. But tonight, victory was mine, ’cause that’s what a real date looks like, you motherfucker. Not a phone call at 2 a.m. Not a txt message on your way home from the bar.
Asshole.
In my attempt to not wait for the FWB to make up his mind, I joined Match.
(Side note : Some people have no common courtesy. If you’re not interested, fucking tell me. Don’t just look at my profile and ignore my e-mail.)
A guy from Louisville e-mailed me, so we spent about an hour or so last night IMing. We continued that conversation this morning. It was just your normal “get to know you” conversation.
Then he wanted to have sex. Today.
I said no and he got pissed.
Fuck off and die asshole.
That’s one of Miss Sodapop’s favorite things to say to me in regards to the FWB. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what the hell is going on or what’s going to happen. I do know this: I’m fucking tired of being in a holding pattern.
He’s one of my best friends, but he’s fucking stupid (well, I guess that’s a given since he’s a boy). When Soda and I went to see Phantom of the Opera, he went with his ex-wife. He says he’s in a difficult position because he cares for me, but wants to do what’s best for his kids and says that includes his ex in some way. How, he’s not sure. I know he has his kids to consider, so I don’t want to appear to be totally selfish… but when the fuck is it going to be about me?? Seriously.
The time has come for me to do what I need to do. I’m not going to change the way things are between he and I, but you know what? I’m not going to sit here and watch my life pass by as he tries to make up his fucking mind. If something (or someone) else comes along in the meantime, then it’s his fucking loss.
:::WARNING WARNING WARNING:::
Much bitching and whining ahead.
Boys suck. Seriously. Since last summer I have been on a tumultuous roller coaster of emotions, all because of the actions of 3 specific boys I have been involved with in some form or fashion.
Douche #1 - First was the one we will affectionately call the PigFucker, or PF for short. This is a man that I’ve known since I was 11 years old. He spent a considerable amount of energy and time chasing me all over the place when we were in school together. I would NEVER let him have me. I hadn’t spoken to him in like 17 years when all of a sudden last March, he found me and we reconnected. He even told me last year that he had intended to lose his virginity with me one night, but I blew him off back then. HOLY BALLS BATMAN - he grew up unbelievably gorgeous and sexy. We spent several months teasing each other and finally had a rendezvous back last May. The sex was un-fucking-believable. After a few months, we had another meet up (in July) and the sex was fantastic - again - for ONE night. The second night of this second rendezvous was a certifiable disaster. He told me that we couldn’t do “this” any more and basically broke up with me. And broke my fucking heart in every way possible. Hate him. He still bugs me, still wants me to come back and see him (just this morning I got another offer as a matter of fact). Fucking douchenozzle.
Douche #2 - This past fall, I had heartbreak of another kind. This one was not a romantic heartbreak, but a friendship kind of heartbreak. I am not 100% sure which is worse - honestly. This boy was a friend of mine, who claimed to “love” me and to consider me his “best” friend but who turned out to be a hypocrite douchebag. This hurt me unbelievably. The hurt he put on me was so bad I couldn’t catch my breath. Fucking cockstain.
Douche #3 - Yesterday, I was destroyed by a boy - AGAIN! This one was one that I have felt a true connection with emotionally and then physically (in Vegas - right on). He felt it too, or so I thought. Then yesterday I got e-mail bombed with shit like “it’s not you, it’s me” and “I want to be just friends with you” and “I love you as a friend but I’m not IN love with you”. Well, holy buckets, it’s not like I was waiting for him in a white (hahahahahahahahahahaha - i said white) wedding dress for fuck’s sake. This was a huge blow to my ego. And it hurt like hell. I immediately e-mailed mah bitchez and they all offered many words of support as well as offers to go to where he lives and hurt him. I totally PPH mah bitchez. And he is a fucknut.
So, in short, in my immediate experience, I can tell you that boys suck.
And that is AWL.