We’re Klassy

:::WARNING WARNING WARNING:::

Much bitching and whining ahead.

Boys suck. Seriously. Since last summer I have been on a tumultuous roller coaster of emotions, all because of the actions of 3 specific boys I have been involved with in some form or fashion.

Douche #1 - First was the one we will affectionately call the PigFucker, or PF for short. This is a man that I’ve known since I was 11 years old. He spent a considerable amount of energy and time chasing me all over the place when we were in school together. I would NEVER let him have me. I hadn’t spoken to him in like 17 years when all of a sudden last March, he found me and we reconnected. He even told me last year that he had intended to lose his virginity with me one night, but I blew him off back then. HOLY BALLS BATMAN - he grew up unbelievably gorgeous and sexy. We spent several months teasing each other and finally had a rendezvous back last May. The sex was un-fucking-believable. After a few months, we had another meet up (in July) and the sex was fantastic - again - for ONE night. The second night of this second rendezvous was a certifiable disaster. He told me that we couldn’t do “this” any more and basically broke up with me. And broke my fucking heart in every way possible. Hate him. He still bugs me, still wants me to come back and see him (just this morning I got another offer as a matter of fact). Fucking douchenozzle.

Douche #2 - This past fall, I had heartbreak of another kind. This one was not a romantic heartbreak, but a friendship kind of heartbreak. I am not 100% sure which is worse - honestly. This boy was a friend of mine, who claimed to “love” me and to consider me his “best” friend but who turned out to be a hypocrite douchebag. This hurt me unbelievably. The hurt he put on me was so bad I couldn’t catch my breath. Fucking cockstain.

Douche #3 - Yesterday, I was destroyed by a boy - AGAIN! This one was one that I have felt a true connection with emotionally and then physically (in Vegas - right on). He felt it too, or so I thought. Then yesterday I got e-mail bombed with shit like “it’s not you, it’s me” and “I want to be just friends with you” and “I love you as a friend but I’m not IN love with you”. Well, holy buckets, it’s not like I was waiting for him in a white (hahahahahahahahahahaha - i said white) wedding dress for fuck’s sake. This was a huge blow to my ego. And it hurt like hell. I immediately e-mailed mah bitchez and they all offered many words of support as well as offers to go to where he lives and hurt him. I totally PPH mah bitchez. And he is a fucknut.

So, in short, in my immediate experience, I can tell you that boys suck.

And that is AWL.

The four of us — Laci, Sodapop, Lucy and me — are a tight foursome. It just kind of happened over the summer. We have so much in common and so much shared life experience that we bonded. None of us have any sisters so it’s like we’re creating our own little extended family (except with picking people that you really, really like). I love these women like I have known them all my life.

Our closeness seems to make some people think that we’re an exclusive foursome, that we don’t want to be friends with anyone else, which is totally ridicufuckingless.

So save the drama for your mama and the snark for your … well, whatever rhymes with snark.

The klassy bitches love everyone. Even if you don’t deserve it.

To be Scandalous, you have to be Klassy. That’s Klassy with a K.

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